Ayat-ayat cinta lyrics by Rossa

Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segersang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku diantara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekedar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin kujaga
Ayat ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika kubersujud

A letter to "Mr. You Know Who"

Dear Sir,

How are you doing today? Doing fine?
Me? Well, you know,
Still busy picking-up the pieces of my life.

I am quite okay actually, except for the fact that I trusted my whole life in the wrong hand.

Remember when you said this to me:
"I couldn't say that I choose you but I definitely don't choose her."
The answer that made me finally realize (after those 9 years) that you are a total 'j_rk' (teet..censored).

Just make sure that they don't know the 'real' you.
You know, that 'devil in a uniform' soul.

Me? No, Sir!
I've had enough of your lies.

Pathetic,
That's your picture..
Couldn't imagine living a life like yours.
A life with nothing to be proud of.

Dissapointed? No!
Couldn't hope anything on you anymore.

So, be happy, Sir!
For you have made a good deeds.
Making me stronger, to never depend on anyone.

Thanks.
Best Regards,

The proud and responsible 'Me'.

Bila Aku Jatuh Cinta

Allahu Rabbi aku minta izin
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Jangan biarkan cinta untuk-Mu berkurang
Hingga membuat lalai akan adanya Engkau

Allahu Rabbi Aku punya pinta
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Penuhilah hatiku dengan bilangan cinta-Mu yang tak terbatas
Biar rasaku pada-Mu tetap utuh

Allahu Rabbi
Izinkanlah bila suatu saat aku jatuh cinta
Pilihkan untukku seseorang yang hatinya penuh dengan kasih-Mu dan membuatku semakin mengagumi-Mu

Allahu Rabbi
Bila suatu saat aku jatuh hati
Pertemukanlah kami
Berilah kami kesempatan untuk lebih mendekati cinta-Mu

Allahu Rabbi Pintaku terakhir adalah seandainya kujatuh hati
Jangan pernah Kau palingkan wajah-Mu dariku
Anugerahkanlah aku cinta-Mu...
Cinta yang tak pernah pupus oleh waktu. Amin....!

Surat Untuk Calon Suamiku Kelak

Assalamualaikum kanda yang kuimpikan,

Bagaimana kabarmu hari ini?
Sudahkah kau basuh wajahmu dengan sucinya air wudhu, yang membuat wajah bersahajamu diliputi cahaya?
Sudahkah malam tadi kau habiskan sepertiganya dengan bermunajat kepada-Nya?
Sudahkah kau bulatkan azzammu untuk istiqomah melangkah di jalan-Nya?

Kanda...
Tegakkan bahumu, sempurnakan semangatmu, penuhi dadamu dengan nama-Nya, jemputlah rizqimu dengan sungguh-sungguh. Aku mengantarmu dengan selempang doa yang tersampir di bahu angin. Semoga hari ini Allah melimpahkan keberkahan di setiap tarikan nafasmu. Penuhi pundi-pundi amalmu dengan kebaikan, jangan sisakan sedikitpun waktumu dalam kesia-siaan. Malam nanti, aku kembali menunggumu dalam hening doa-doaku. Sandarkan hatimu pada-Nya, agar Ia memberimu kekuatan.

Semoga esok hari, kau tak lagi ragu untuk segera menjemputku, menemani hari-harimu. Siapapun engkau, di manapun berada, semoga Allah menjagamu, hingga tiba waktunya perjuangan panjangmu tak lagi sendiri. Maka, kukuhkanlah kembali semangatmu. Semoga esok hari, kau tak lagi ragu untuk hadir menjemputku.

Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh cinta, cintakanlah aku pada seseorang yang melabuhkan cintanya pada-Mu, agar bertambah kekuatan ku untuk mencintai-Mu.

Ya Allah, jika aku jatuh hati, izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati seseorang yang hatinya tertaut pada-Mu, agar tidak terjatuh aku dalam jurang cinta semu.

Ya Allah, jika aku menikmati cinta kekasih-Mu, janganlah kenikmatan itu melebihi kenikmatan indahnya bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhirmu.

Ya Allah, jika Kau halalkan aku merindui kekasih-Mu, jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki dan rindu abadi hanya kepada-Mu.

A reminder by AA Gym

Bagaimana agar kita bisa ikhlas? Tekniknya sederhana. Pusatkan pikiran dan amal hanya untuk Allah. Berpikirlah, bagaimana agar amal kita diterima Allah. Titik. Tidak usah mengharap balas jasa, pujian, atau keuntungan sesaat. Lakukan yang terbaik, sampaikan dengan cara terbaik, berikan yang terbaik, dan dengan hati terbaik.
Saudaraku, orang ikhlas itu pasti bahagia dalam hidupnya. Sebab, Allah SWT akan menganugerahkan enam ciri (keutamaan) dalam hidupnya.
[1] Jarang kecewa terhadap dunia. Orang ikhlas tidak mengharapkan apapun dan dari siapapun. kenikmatan baginya bukan dari mendapatkan, tapi dari mempersembahkan. Sebaliknya, orang yang tidak ikhlas akan banyak kecewa dalam hidup, karena banyak berharap dari makhluk.
[2] Tidak pusing dengan penghargaan. Baginya orang ikhlas dipuji atau dicaci sama saja, asalkan apa yang ia lakukan benar caranya dan lurus niatnya.
[3] Tidak membeda-bedakan amal besar dan amal kecil. Orang ikhlas tidak sibuk melihat besar kecilnya amal. Ia hanya sibuk dengan apa yang disukai Allah. Tidak ada yang kecil di hadapan Allah. Yang kecil hanyalah amal yang tidak ikhlas.
[4] Nikmat berbuat amal. Kebahagiaannya bukan dari mendapatkan pujian, namun dari optimalnya amal. Karena itu, orang ikhlas akan tangguh dan istikamah dalam ibadah.
[5] Tidak menonjolkan "bendera". Orang ikhlas tidak berjuang untuk satu kelompok tertentu. Ia berjuang hanya untuk Islam. Kelompok/bendera hanyalah sarana/alat untuk mencapai tujuan.
[6] Tidak ditipu setan. Allah SWT mengabadikan ucapan Iblis dalam Alquran. "_pasti aku akan menyesatkan mereka (manusia) semuanya, kecuali hamba-hamba-Mu yang ikhlas" (QS Al Hijr [15]: 39-40). Wallaahu a'lam. ( KH Abdullah Gymnastiar )

Menghapus Jejakmu

Moving on? It's probably the right time...

terus melangkah melupakanmu
lelah hati perhatikan sikapmu
jalan pikiranmu buat ku ragu
tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
kucoba untuk terus menjauh
perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
ku coba untuk lanjutkan hidup

engkau bukanlah segalaku
bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
usai sudah semua berlalu
biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

terus melangkah melupakan mu
lelah hati memperhatikan sikapmu
jalan pikiranmu buat ku ragu
tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

perlahan mimpi ku terus mengganggu
kucoba tuk terus menjauh
perlahan hati ku terbelenggu
ku coba untuk lanjutkan hidup

engkau bukanlah segalaku
bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
usai sudah semua berlalu
biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

lepaskan segala nya

So help me, God..

Nice :)

Just listening to the voice of Frank Sinatra and Nancy Sinatra...'Somethin' Stupid'
Getting better folks,
Wouldn't it be nice, if I can work on my design after this.....?

Yippie....I'm looking forward to it!
I just Love my life! (Jumpin' and screamin')

Crazy!!

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong, if today I want something out of my daily life.
Is it wrong, if today I feel like wanna live another life.
Is it wrong, if today I don't wanna be attached to any rules.
Is it wrong, God?
Maybe I'm just bored...

I still go to the office today (attached by rules)
I still sit in front of my computer, have some works to do, but let it lay on my desk 'cause I still haven't got the 'mood' to do it. Instead I'm writing this. (Feel like wanna live another life)

The only thing I did, out of the ussual life, is ....
I dropped in to McDonald's drive-thru on my way to the office, bought my self a cold chocolate milk + today's newspaper, parked my car in the 2nd floor of Hyatt (hoped that no one would find me there, but Mr. Ronny Lie -which happens to be my best friend- apparently thought the same thing I did and found me there)
Oh life, just when you need some time alone, you just can't.

So....Is it wrong if today, I feel like breaking free.... out of my daily life....?

Hmm, maybe I'll just have lunch at McDonald today...
I'll have some cold chocolate again, and...what? and....
Maybe some refreshment on my mind and soul, so I can enjoy the rest of my day...

He..he..he.. Is it wrong, God? If I don't wanna live today?

Letting Go - Sozzi

A bit like what I've been trying to say to "you know who"...

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe-in

I still recall the words you said to me
It's what you did not say that sets me free
Now how can I find peace of mind when you keep coming back again?
It's not okay for you to play this game of seesaw with my head
Now it hurts too much
And it hits too hard
And I won't play this part

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe-in

So now I say the things I want to say
Sometimes it's better letting go this way
I'll always know
Down in my soul
We really had so far to go

I've given all I had to give
And now it's time for me to live
And I won't look back
And I won't regret
Though it hurts like hell
Someday I will forget

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe-in

To say that you've been thinkin
Cause I know it's just the drinkin
It's funny how we seem to end up here
I never thought I'd see this soul disappear

Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe-in

And this is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go

Bingung

Kok sekarang baik, sih? Jadi susah ngelupainnya... Tadi malem malah ngobrol enak...
Kan bingung...
Nggak sinkron lagi nih antara pikiran dan hati (nggak bikin MoU sih!)
Hmmhhhh... Gimana nih...??
Apa dinikmati apa adanya aja ya?? Hmmh...gimana? Tau deh.. pusing sendiri mikirnya...

A Dialogue

Do you believe in God, Erie?
Yes, I do
Do you trust God, Erie?
Yes, I do
Do you have faith in God, Erie?
Yes, I do

Then STOP worrying about yourself !!

What's Up?

Today,
Too much thinking about "Me"...
Not feeling comfortable with "My self"
So "Self" centered...

Hate it!

Takdir (Opick feat. Melly)

Dihempas gelombang dilemparkan angin
Terkisah ku bersedih, ku bahagia
Di indah dunia yang berakhir sunyi
Langkah kaki di dalam rencana-Nya

Semua berjalan dalam kehendak-Nya
Nafas hidup cinta dan segalanya
Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi

Bila mungkin ada luka coba tersenyumlah
Bila mungkin tawa coba bersabarlah
Karena air mata tak abadi
Akan hilang dan berganti (hilang kan berganti)

Bila mungkin hidup hampa dirasa
Mungkinkah hati merindukan Dia
Karena hanya dengan Nya hati tenang
Damai jiwa dan raga

Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Dan tertakdir menjalani segala kehendak-Mu, Ya Robbi
Ku berserah ku berpasrah hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi
Hanya pada-Mu, Ya Robbi

"Remember to put your greatest Love to Allah....Only Allah"

Salam Buat Sang Fajar

Lihatlah hari ini.
Sebab ia adalah kehidupan, kehidupan dari kehidupan.
Dalam sekejap dia telah melahirkan berbagai hakikat dari wujudmu.
Nikmat pertumbuhan.
Pekerjaan yang indah.
Indahnya kemenangan.
Karena hari kemarin tak lebih dari sebuah mimpi.
Dan esok hari hanyalah bayangan.
Namun hari ini ketika Anda hidup sempurna,
telah membuat hari kemarin sebagai impian yang indah.
Setiap hari esok adalah bayangan yang penuh harapan.
Maka lihatlah hari ini.
Inilah salam untuk sang fajar.

??????

..aku tau semua yang pernah Erie alami adalah sesuatu hal yang sangat menyakitkan dan seberat apapun hukuman yang aku terima tidak akan bisa menggantikan pengorbanan Erie,

..maafkan aku Erie, aku nyesel, sekarang aku hanya bisa berharap, semua karena salahku. Aku harus tanggung apapun keputusan Erie.

..aku tetep cinta Erie sampai kapanpun dan ingat Erie, tidak ada seorangpun yang setara apalagi bisa menggantikan kedudukan Erie dimata Luth...

Don't have any comment!!!!!

#$%#@$@%@%?????????#

Separated

Nia gave me this song this morning,
It's a nice song by Usher... Separated,

"Why don't you go your way and I'll go mine
Live your life and I'll live mine
Maybe you'll do well and I'll be fine
'Cause We'd better off...Separated..."

"Can't say we didn't fight to make it work for you and I..."

"Sorry we didn't make it.. "

Another poem and a song...

" Untaian sesal yang kurasa, bawaku dalam penderiataan. Setiap ingatan indah bersamaku, buatku keluarkan airmata kosong, semua tentangku bukanlah apa-apa dibanding penderitaan yang kamu alami selama ini. Maaf dan maaf dariku bukan jalan buatmu tersenyum...Oh bintang, sampaikan salamku untuknya...salam kerinduan.."

11 Januari... too good to be imagined.. He changed his NSP.

A Poem? For Me??

From someone who used to be so special...

...mentari dampingi perjalananku ke suatu
tempat, tempat yang pernah aku impikan waktu aku kuliah... Malaysia.. ya, sekarang aku meneteskan airmata itu disini, setelah aku tau kamu belum bisa dampingi aku disini, kamu yang dulu pernah dampingi aku dalam susah dan sedihku... kuharap keajaiban dan doaku datang tuk menjemputmu dalam penantianku, kuharap dirimu datang iringi langkah malam, tinggalkan
gelap... I need you Erie...

Hmm.... it's beautifull.... but just let it be beautifull... as it is, 'cause my heart and my thought haven't made an agreement...

Commitment

I promised to put God first on my Agenda!

Enjoy the episode of life!

You won't believe what happened to me last night!!!

My car was hit by a POMAL (Polisi Militer Angkatan Laut)...

Gosh...I was parking....I mean, didn't even move!! And then...

He...just hit my car......Slam in to my rear door...

I guess that he was too tired to see that there was a black station wagon in his way... Wakakkakaka...

Don't wanna ask why...

I am fortunate that he was such a responsible officer, I am fortunate that I wasn't injured, I am fortunate that God let me stepped on the break just before I hit the front car.

I am so fortunate....

I'm a fortune cookies!!!

You are light, tasty, and full of predictions about what's going to happen to other people in the future. You like giving advice about relationships and careers, so you're willing to share your experience and wisdom with friends, family members, or even total strangers. You have an optimistic outlook, and you believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if you have a lot to say, you only need a short note, a quick chat, or a text message to get your ideas across.

hahahhahaahhahaha........

What kind of cookie are you? Just click: http://www.the-n.com/games/quiz_main.php?id=3279

Sometimes I just don't Understand myself

Hari ini kerja otak kiri, kanan dan jantung sulit untuk di sinkronisasi....
Hasilnya resah sendiri...

Belum mendarah daging Ikhlasnya...

Rasanya pasti lebih enak kalau aku bisa memahami dan mengamalkan ikhlas...

Law of Attraction

7 RULES FOR ATTRACTING WHAT YOU REALLY DESIRE

1. "When I was a Beatle, I thought we were the best fucking group in the goddamn world, and believing that is what made us what we were." -- John Lennon.
I am an extremely powerful person, here to impact people's lives profoundly. I am terrific at what I do.

Now, this isn't about my ego. My statement speaks to opening yourself up and receiving the truth of who you really are, owning your greatness, and putting yourself out there in a big way. Shamelessly. With pride.

You are an extremely powerful person.

And if you're not showing up to life in a way that reflects your true greatness, you need to ask yourself why not.

Life begs you to.

You will not attract everything you really want until you respect and express your greatness -- the truth of who you really are -- and become irresistibly attractive to yourself.

2. "Truth is the only safe ground to stand on." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Living a meaningful life is about living a happy life. Living a happy life is about living your personal truth. The more you live your life in accord with what's true for you, the happier you will be and the better the things that you will attract.

Where are you not living what's true for you? Say it out loud to yourself. Yes, say it.

Note: Don't confuse your beliefs with truth. Beliefs are learned, truth just is.

3. "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -- Gloria Steinem
It takes tremendous courage to put aside our beliefs and to live the truth. The truth requires faith. The truth requires change. And sometimes, the truth just plain sucks. But the freedom truth allows is well worth the price.

Truth is a prerequisite for attraction.

4. "The great omission in American life is solitude...that zone of time and space, free from the outside pressures, which is the incinerator of the spirit." -- Marya Mannes
To find the truth, we need time. Lots of it. Alone. Most of us don't experience anywhere near enough time for ourselves, the still point in a moving world where we can see our true reflection. And that needs to change if we are to use the incredible power of attraction.

5. "We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves." -- Alice Bloch
Okay, so time doesn't really exist -- it's made up. What we really need is more space. We are surrounded by too much clutter, stimulation, and noise. Who we are and what's important to us gets lost in all the racket.

When we have no space in our lives, our heads are down while we bull forward to get everything done, stiff-arming all the messages the Universe continually sends us -- what we need to see most.

Without this space, we are constantly reacting to life rather than making choices as to how we wish to live.

Along with Truth, Space is another prerequisite for attraction.

6. "Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become." -- Jim Rohn
Know why we don't get exactly what we want? Simple. We don't know exactly what we want. We have an idea of what we think we're supposed to want, but not a clear picture of what's really important to us.

Without the space to identify what we really want, we send out a half-baked thought to the Universe of our desires. Because the Universe acts like a mirror, reflecting the energy that we send out to it, we then get undercooked results sent back to us.

When we know the truth of who we really are and behave accordingly, we are in the place where we will attract what we really want. Like a moth to your porch light, what you really want will show up at your door. That's how attraction works. Like magic.

7. Do you know what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after." -- Willy Wonka

When we attract what we really want out of life, we are very, very happy people. Makes sense, huh? And this brings us full circle because being happy is the point of life, isn't it? When we understand and employ the incredible power of the Law of Attraction, (when we live as our true selves, we are able to attract anything we really want into our lives) we no longer need to worry. About anything.
We know that the universe will provide everything we want. And life is very, very cool.

Love.....oh....Love....

…..They forget that the secret of love is that It is a gift and that It can be made to grow only by giving it away…..

And The Story Goes.....

It turned out that I replied the SMS...
I relpied it with Kerispatih's song....

"Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi...Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu...Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma....Sebab rasaku tlah..mati untuk menyadarinya....Semoga saja kan kau temukan hati yang tulus mencintaimu...tapi bukan aku..."

and this is how he replied me back:

"Kenapa? Kenapa harus kisah ini? Kenapa kamu tidak beri aku kesempatan? Katamu waktuku sebelum aku berangkat?"

And the deepest concious can't lie... It's screaming....I'll feel guilty if I don't give him the chance to speak. And so...I gave him that chance....

And the story goes....

He asked me to marry him...And later that night, his parents went to my house and asked my mom whether I can be their daugter in law....

This has been a very exhausting week for me and my family....Within a week, we've experienced something which none of us planned, and I'm sure that my mom felt the same way as I did....Gosh...It's like riding a rollercoaster...

And so...my mom held a family meeting, we discussed the positive and negative side of what I'm gonna decide, and they let me decide it my self....

That night felt like a very long night, I couldn't sleep...thinkin' about what I'm gonna decide...I was so like a freak...Fortunately, someone told me to be relax, the more I get fussy about it the more I'm getting far from my concious...And so I did what he told...I went to get my wudhu and did sholat....Oh God...please, give me the right decision, the right believe...Please help me God...And God did help me...

The day after, I set a meeting with him...I said that I need to discuss something..And we did have a very long discussion....Which I guess had made both of us comfortable with this decision...and I'm glad that I gave him that chance to meet me....We did broke up, and we're gonna take our own path in life....but yesterday was an unforgetable moment....It felt sweet, eventhough that we're not together anymore....It's even sweeter than our 9 years relationship....I felt so relieve...

We chatted, we laughed, we had dinner together, we went singing at nav....We let go all of the complicated things that had been going on...And it felt good...It felt like I've just met a new person, which I actually felt comfortable with...Oh God...Thank you....Thank you that I have the chance to feel this...Thank you, God...

I don't know what's gonna happen tommorow, but It's OK, 'cause I'm sure that God has planned something even more beautifull than what I've expected... I plan nothing....Let God plan it for me....

I hope that I can feel this forever....This feeling is so GREAT!!

Un-replied Messages...

1st Message:

"Seutas tali telah kulepaskan, tuk penuhi panggilan hati. Sungguh sepi hariku, saat kutau semua berlalu. Sesaat kulihat ke belakang, btapa sedih perjalanan hidupku kini, kusadar masa akan berganti, tapi kisahmu tak tergantikan. Anugrah terindah yang pernah kumiliki, maukah kau beri aku setetes air di tengah gurun ini. Aku mohon"

2nd Message:

"...Saat kubuka dompetku yang terselip, kutemukan foto kita di depan taman rumahmu yang difoto Timmy. Disitu kulihat kebahagiaan kita waktu itu. Jujur yang aku takutkan sekarang terjadi, putusanku menjadi kecewa tak berujung. Putusan yang banyak campur tangan dan pengaruh dari orang lain termasuk orangtua. Aku sedih..."

3rd Message:

"Seikat hati yang kupunya mengunci jiwa yang hampa dengan mengucap sesal tak berujung, sungguh kuingin memilikimu tanpa ada yang pengaruhiku. Aku hanya ingin hidup wajar...."

Those messages are too late, Stupid....

Healing A Heartbreak

We broke up.
It's just too complicated, beyond my ability...
So I guess that this is the best...

As I said before on my last post,
I must be prepared. And even if my heart hurts like hell, And I'm holdin' on. I'm growing strong....

I have lots of homework to do, this is my life, my responsibility...
So I must make the best of it!!

I need to open a new page in life.. a better one,

Those 9 years relationship must be kept in another book, which memories will be forgotten by time. Soon it will be history....

All my friends keep reminding me that he's so not worthed, that I deserve someone better than him. And most of my friends include his best friend, said the same thing also... That he'll regret this...(And I think he does, cause he said it on his sms)

But as I said before, I want to let go...I will never regret nor questioning why. I just wanna go on with my life. I trust You, God...I trust You.

This has set a new lesson in my life, that I should depend only to God....So Thank you for making me realize before It's too late. My mom always said that, It's better to happen now than to happen when we're married. 'Cause it will hurt even more. And I believe her...

So let it heal by time...And I love you, God. I love you...

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku...
Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak ingin ku paksakan cinta ini.....
Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima...

Aku memang manusia paling berdosa...
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu....
Lebih baik jangan mencintai aku dan semua hatiku...
Karena takkan pernah kan kau temui cinta sejati...

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi..
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu..
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma..
Sebab rasaku tlah mati untuk menyadarinya....

Tapi bukan aku.....

Smoga saja, kan kau dapati hati yang tulus mencintaimu...
Tapi bukan aku....

I guess this song by Kerispatih represents my feeling..
Enjoy..

Did I Score Last Night?

I said this to him last night,

1.I love you very much.
2.I've made a commitment to God, I said to God that I am sorry for my mistakes, and I am willing to change, not because of you, but because "I want to".
3. I cannot stay in this kind of situation forever. One must decide what to do and life must go on.
4. So, What you're gonna decide will have an effect on the rest of our lives, so please decide it with your heart. What ever your decision is, I'm sure that you will choose for the best.

And I said it without tears, without shouting, without being emotional (which I normally choose to do). I was so calm, so matured. I couldn't even believe that was me.

And I guess that he could not believe what he's heard either... The look on his eyes saying, I've been expecting this from you for so long. I've been expecting you to "Grow-Up".

And I thanked God for letting him see that I am changing. So that he knows what to expect from me. So that he can decide...

So now,
I am preparing myself for the worst. I am begging God to let my heart be sincere and strong in facing whatever's gonna happen to me. (Even if it hurts badly). I've explained what I meant to him, what I'm searching in life, I also said to him that I want to open a new page in life. The one that will only be written with positivity pen even if it isn't perfect. I want to let go. I am sure that he's still in love with me. And I also need to make myself sure whether he's the one or not. I need to give everything up to God. The one that will decide what's best for me.

To open his heart for me
or
To let it be closed forever.

And I am proud of my self because I have learned to communicate, simply to be understood without ignoring people's thought or feeling.

Thank you, God

If Only

I met someone...
I never met anyone like him before. I am so amazed.
His way of caring, loving, is in a way I could never understand.
It's deep but it doesn't hurt.
I cannot describe it by words.
He loves me...but he's also ready to let me go...
This is what he said when he sms me last night:

" Love comes from God, God created the love between us, God started it, Let God decide what's best for us... Let's just enjoy this love, even if it's limited by time, just let it be precious for the rest of our lives. Watching you happy is everything to me"

Oh God... I never loved anyone like he loves me...
It's so unconditional....

God, if only I met him before...

Experience is the best teacher

There I was, a fresh-grad Architecture student, having minimum experience in doing any Architectural Project. And So, I tried to be pro-active, something which is not easy for an introvert, melancholic girl such as my self. I went to a photo studio, I made my self a curiculum vitae, I posted my C.V to several company (mostly banks-'cause I thought no Architectural company would be interested in hiring me? I had zero experience, and I couldn't operate 3D Max.)

Then I went to a walk-in interview (with no expectation of being hired). I just walked in the room with nothing to loose and I then met her. My current client, my wonderfull boss, who gave me the opportunity to experience "being an architect". I didn't know the reason why She had to be the one who interviewed me, why She trusted me to renovate her office (which is located at Hyatt Office Building.Wow..it was a Big Leap for me!) Why She hired me in a position which was not even "appliable" on that walk-in interview. (Of course, it's an IT company, what do they need an architect for?) I guess, It was just fate.

On the 4th of July 2006, I started working as an Architect. The architectural work wasn't too hard actualy, but handling the people was harder. I started to learn how to communicate, how to work in a team, how..and how... and how. So I face the biggest enemy in my life.. which turned out to be "My self". It's so hard.. cause I had to change... I had to learn to manage my ego, my stubborness, my anger. Gosh... I thougt I was gonna die... That experience forced me, to change my self...

I actually read a lot of book since then (I didn't really like reading before). I actually learn to listen (Something I never did "with heart" before). I learned and learned and learned...

Untill now, I've finished 3 projects and 1 projects to be execute...

Oh God.... I guess, this is my fate, my life...

Thank you, God...