Sometimes I just don't Understand myself

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Law of Attraction

7 RULES FOR ATTRACTING WHAT YOU REALLY DESIRE

1. "When I was a Beatle, I thought we were the best fucking group in the goddamn world, and believing that is what made us what we were." -- John Lennon.
I am an extremely powerful person, here to impact people's lives profoundly. I am terrific at what I do.

Now, this isn't about my ego. My statement speaks to opening yourself up and receiving the truth of who you really are, owning your greatness, and putting yourself out there in a big way. Shamelessly. With pride.

You are an extremely powerful person.

And if you're not showing up to life in a way that reflects your true greatness, you need to ask yourself why not.

Life begs you to.

You will not attract everything you really want until you respect and express your greatness -- the truth of who you really are -- and become irresistibly attractive to yourself.

2. "Truth is the only safe ground to stand on." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Living a meaningful life is about living a happy life. Living a happy life is about living your personal truth. The more you live your life in accord with what's true for you, the happier you will be and the better the things that you will attract.

Where are you not living what's true for you? Say it out loud to yourself. Yes, say it.

Note: Don't confuse your beliefs with truth. Beliefs are learned, truth just is.

3. "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -- Gloria Steinem
It takes tremendous courage to put aside our beliefs and to live the truth. The truth requires faith. The truth requires change. And sometimes, the truth just plain sucks. But the freedom truth allows is well worth the price.

Truth is a prerequisite for attraction.

4. "The great omission in American life is solitude...that zone of time and space, free from the outside pressures, which is the incinerator of the spirit." -- Marya Mannes
To find the truth, we need time. Lots of it. Alone. Most of us don't experience anywhere near enough time for ourselves, the still point in a moving world where we can see our true reflection. And that needs to change if we are to use the incredible power of attraction.

5. "We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves." -- Alice Bloch
Okay, so time doesn't really exist -- it's made up. What we really need is more space. We are surrounded by too much clutter, stimulation, and noise. Who we are and what's important to us gets lost in all the racket.

When we have no space in our lives, our heads are down while we bull forward to get everything done, stiff-arming all the messages the Universe continually sends us -- what we need to see most.

Without this space, we are constantly reacting to life rather than making choices as to how we wish to live.

Along with Truth, Space is another prerequisite for attraction.

6. "Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become." -- Jim Rohn
Know why we don't get exactly what we want? Simple. We don't know exactly what we want. We have an idea of what we think we're supposed to want, but not a clear picture of what's really important to us.

Without the space to identify what we really want, we send out a half-baked thought to the Universe of our desires. Because the Universe acts like a mirror, reflecting the energy that we send out to it, we then get undercooked results sent back to us.

When we know the truth of who we really are and behave accordingly, we are in the place where we will attract what we really want. Like a moth to your porch light, what you really want will show up at your door. That's how attraction works. Like magic.

7. Do you know what happened to the man who got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after." -- Willy Wonka

When we attract what we really want out of life, we are very, very happy people. Makes sense, huh? And this brings us full circle because being happy is the point of life, isn't it? When we understand and employ the incredible power of the Law of Attraction, (when we live as our true selves, we are able to attract anything we really want into our lives) we no longer need to worry. About anything.
We know that the universe will provide everything we want. And life is very, very cool.

Love.....oh....Love....

…..They forget that the secret of love is that It is a gift and that It can be made to grow only by giving it away…..

And The Story Goes.....

It turned out that I replied the SMS...
I relpied it with Kerispatih's song....

"Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi...Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu...Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma....Sebab rasaku tlah..mati untuk menyadarinya....Semoga saja kan kau temukan hati yang tulus mencintaimu...tapi bukan aku..."

and this is how he replied me back:

"Kenapa? Kenapa harus kisah ini? Kenapa kamu tidak beri aku kesempatan? Katamu waktuku sebelum aku berangkat?"

And the deepest concious can't lie... It's screaming....I'll feel guilty if I don't give him the chance to speak. And so...I gave him that chance....

And the story goes....

He asked me to marry him...And later that night, his parents went to my house and asked my mom whether I can be their daugter in law....

This has been a very exhausting week for me and my family....Within a week, we've experienced something which none of us planned, and I'm sure that my mom felt the same way as I did....Gosh...It's like riding a rollercoaster...

And so...my mom held a family meeting, we discussed the positive and negative side of what I'm gonna decide, and they let me decide it my self....

That night felt like a very long night, I couldn't sleep...thinkin' about what I'm gonna decide...I was so like a freak...Fortunately, someone told me to be relax, the more I get fussy about it the more I'm getting far from my concious...And so I did what he told...I went to get my wudhu and did sholat....Oh God...please, give me the right decision, the right believe...Please help me God...And God did help me...

The day after, I set a meeting with him...I said that I need to discuss something..And we did have a very long discussion....Which I guess had made both of us comfortable with this decision...and I'm glad that I gave him that chance to meet me....We did broke up, and we're gonna take our own path in life....but yesterday was an unforgetable moment....It felt sweet, eventhough that we're not together anymore....It's even sweeter than our 9 years relationship....I felt so relieve...

We chatted, we laughed, we had dinner together, we went singing at nav....We let go all of the complicated things that had been going on...And it felt good...It felt like I've just met a new person, which I actually felt comfortable with...Oh God...Thank you....Thank you that I have the chance to feel this...Thank you, God...

I don't know what's gonna happen tommorow, but It's OK, 'cause I'm sure that God has planned something even more beautifull than what I've expected... I plan nothing....Let God plan it for me....

I hope that I can feel this forever....This feeling is so GREAT!!

Un-replied Messages...

1st Message:

"Seutas tali telah kulepaskan, tuk penuhi panggilan hati. Sungguh sepi hariku, saat kutau semua berlalu. Sesaat kulihat ke belakang, btapa sedih perjalanan hidupku kini, kusadar masa akan berganti, tapi kisahmu tak tergantikan. Anugrah terindah yang pernah kumiliki, maukah kau beri aku setetes air di tengah gurun ini. Aku mohon"

2nd Message:

"...Saat kubuka dompetku yang terselip, kutemukan foto kita di depan taman rumahmu yang difoto Timmy. Disitu kulihat kebahagiaan kita waktu itu. Jujur yang aku takutkan sekarang terjadi, putusanku menjadi kecewa tak berujung. Putusan yang banyak campur tangan dan pengaruh dari orang lain termasuk orangtua. Aku sedih..."

3rd Message:

"Seikat hati yang kupunya mengunci jiwa yang hampa dengan mengucap sesal tak berujung, sungguh kuingin memilikimu tanpa ada yang pengaruhiku. Aku hanya ingin hidup wajar...."

Those messages are too late, Stupid....

Healing A Heartbreak

We broke up.
It's just too complicated, beyond my ability...
So I guess that this is the best...

As I said before on my last post,
I must be prepared. And even if my heart hurts like hell, And I'm holdin' on. I'm growing strong....

I have lots of homework to do, this is my life, my responsibility...
So I must make the best of it!!

I need to open a new page in life.. a better one,

Those 9 years relationship must be kept in another book, which memories will be forgotten by time. Soon it will be history....

All my friends keep reminding me that he's so not worthed, that I deserve someone better than him. And most of my friends include his best friend, said the same thing also... That he'll regret this...(And I think he does, cause he said it on his sms)

But as I said before, I want to let go...I will never regret nor questioning why. I just wanna go on with my life. I trust You, God...I trust You.

This has set a new lesson in my life, that I should depend only to God....So Thank you for making me realize before It's too late. My mom always said that, It's better to happen now than to happen when we're married. 'Cause it will hurt even more. And I believe her...

So let it heal by time...And I love you, God. I love you...

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku...
Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak ingin ku paksakan cinta ini.....
Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima...

Aku memang manusia paling berdosa...
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu....
Lebih baik jangan mencintai aku dan semua hatiku...
Karena takkan pernah kan kau temui cinta sejati...

Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini dan jangan kau tangisi lagi..
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu..
Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma..
Sebab rasaku tlah mati untuk menyadarinya....

Tapi bukan aku.....

Smoga saja, kan kau dapati hati yang tulus mencintaimu...
Tapi bukan aku....

I guess this song by Kerispatih represents my feeling..
Enjoy..

Did I Score Last Night?

I said this to him last night,

1.I love you very much.
2.I've made a commitment to God, I said to God that I am sorry for my mistakes, and I am willing to change, not because of you, but because "I want to".
3. I cannot stay in this kind of situation forever. One must decide what to do and life must go on.
4. So, What you're gonna decide will have an effect on the rest of our lives, so please decide it with your heart. What ever your decision is, I'm sure that you will choose for the best.

And I said it without tears, without shouting, without being emotional (which I normally choose to do). I was so calm, so matured. I couldn't even believe that was me.

And I guess that he could not believe what he's heard either... The look on his eyes saying, I've been expecting this from you for so long. I've been expecting you to "Grow-Up".

And I thanked God for letting him see that I am changing. So that he knows what to expect from me. So that he can decide...

So now,
I am preparing myself for the worst. I am begging God to let my heart be sincere and strong in facing whatever's gonna happen to me. (Even if it hurts badly). I've explained what I meant to him, what I'm searching in life, I also said to him that I want to open a new page in life. The one that will only be written with positivity pen even if it isn't perfect. I want to let go. I am sure that he's still in love with me. And I also need to make myself sure whether he's the one or not. I need to give everything up to God. The one that will decide what's best for me.

To open his heart for me
or
To let it be closed forever.

And I am proud of my self because I have learned to communicate, simply to be understood without ignoring people's thought or feeling.

Thank you, God

If Only

I met someone...
I never met anyone like him before. I am so amazed.
His way of caring, loving, is in a way I could never understand.
It's deep but it doesn't hurt.
I cannot describe it by words.
He loves me...but he's also ready to let me go...
This is what he said when he sms me last night:

" Love comes from God, God created the love between us, God started it, Let God decide what's best for us... Let's just enjoy this love, even if it's limited by time, just let it be precious for the rest of our lives. Watching you happy is everything to me"

Oh God... I never loved anyone like he loves me...
It's so unconditional....

God, if only I met him before...

Experience is the best teacher

There I was, a fresh-grad Architecture student, having minimum experience in doing any Architectural Project. And So, I tried to be pro-active, something which is not easy for an introvert, melancholic girl such as my self. I went to a photo studio, I made my self a curiculum vitae, I posted my C.V to several company (mostly banks-'cause I thought no Architectural company would be interested in hiring me? I had zero experience, and I couldn't operate 3D Max.)

Then I went to a walk-in interview (with no expectation of being hired). I just walked in the room with nothing to loose and I then met her. My current client, my wonderfull boss, who gave me the opportunity to experience "being an architect". I didn't know the reason why She had to be the one who interviewed me, why She trusted me to renovate her office (which is located at Hyatt Office Building.Wow..it was a Big Leap for me!) Why She hired me in a position which was not even "appliable" on that walk-in interview. (Of course, it's an IT company, what do they need an architect for?) I guess, It was just fate.

On the 4th of July 2006, I started working as an Architect. The architectural work wasn't too hard actualy, but handling the people was harder. I started to learn how to communicate, how to work in a team, how..and how... and how. So I face the biggest enemy in my life.. which turned out to be "My self". It's so hard.. cause I had to change... I had to learn to manage my ego, my stubborness, my anger. Gosh... I thougt I was gonna die... That experience forced me, to change my self...

I actually read a lot of book since then (I didn't really like reading before). I actually learn to listen (Something I never did "with heart" before). I learned and learned and learned...

Untill now, I've finished 3 projects and 1 projects to be execute...

Oh God.... I guess, this is my fate, my life...

Thank you, God...